Testicle Chopping Senator Is Thrust Into The GOP Spotlight

AP US SENATE IOWA A USA IAI must admit that lately I have been feeling just a bit depressed about the new Republican Congress. And not just because we lost so badly in the mid-terms. You see, I’ve been worried that the Conservatives just wouldn’t be as much fun to mock without Michele Bachmann in there. Of course some of the other wing nuts are still around but without Bachmann I was afraid that it just wouldn’t be as much fun. But alas my worries have been put to rest. Because even though we’ve lost one bat-shit crazy Tea Party favorite, we’ve gained another.

It seems that the GOP has decided to make the new freshman Senator from Iowa their brand new shiny mouthpiece. And I am thrilled to say that Joni Ernst actually has the potential to make Bachmann seem moderate. So naturally she has been tapped to give the Republican rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union speech next week.

Now if you are not yet familiar with Joni Ernst, you are in for a real treat. Ernst is probably best known for her very vocal love of pig castration. She won her Senate seat by running campaign ads she called “Squeal” which featured pigs that she apparently castrated. Seriously people, you can’t make this stuff up.

And in addition to her hobby of chopping off pig balls, she is also a neo-Con who is proudly walking in lockstep with the Tea Party….including their most insane policy stances. She is also appealing to the right because she is one of the few fresh and ¬†young new faces in the GOP. ¬†They love her perky demeanor and her self-assured “aw shucks” attitude. In many ways she is very similar to Sarah Palin.

Ernst was likely chosen to give the party rebuttal because the Republicans are desperately trying to appeal to some different demographics. I think that they may finally realize that they have been totally out of touch with the younger voters, minority voters, and women. Ernst will actually be the fourth woman or minority lawmaker to give an Obama SOTU response. She follows Bobby Jindal in 2009, Marco Rubio in 2013, and Cathy McMorris Rogers in 2014.

Of course I am only speculating on what the Republican party’s true motives are in highlighting Joni Ernst. I mean, part of me is really thinking that perhaps they are simply trying to make headlines in an attempt to make their party seem relevant. And they are determined to do this by choosing a person to deliver the SOTU rebuttal who represents the most insane among them. Remember when they put Michele Bachmann and Chuck Grassley in the spotlight?

But I really have to say that for me, either way, the plan to elevate Joni Ernst into the national spotlight is a golden GOP decision that I fully endorse. I think that all Americans will agree that the one thing that has been missing in all of Obama’s other SOTU addresses is a Republican response that truly represents all of the disenfranchised people. And what better way to fix that problem than to speak directly to the totally underrepresented pig testicle demographic? Way to expand the tent Repubs!!

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