The 12 Mandatory Requirements To Enter The 2016 GOP Clown Car

Clown-Car

You know, I really do have to admit that so far I am thoroughly enjoying the spectacle being put on by the 2016 Republican contenders. I mean the comedic entertainment value alone far surpasses the price of admission.


But I couldn’t help but notice that the righties have actually come up with an interesting list of necessary conditions which must be met and on clear display by each candidate if they have any hope of getting the party’s nomination.

And so for this upcoming election cycle, the Top 12 mandatory requirements for admission into the GOP Presidential-hopeful clown car are that you must be…

1. Bursting with irrational hatred for Obama and Hillary

2. Certain that the world will end unless there is complete destruction of Obamacare

3. Full of apathy for the poor

4. Determined to abrogate a woman’s right to choose

5. Emphatic about your aversion to the gays

6. Obsessively infatuated with Ronald Reagan

7. Convinced that Jesus has chosen you to save humanity

8. Oblivious to the relevance or value of minorities

9. Boastful of your unnatural love affair with guns

10. In complete denial about the existence of sexism, racism, and global warming

11. Able to creatively use Christianity to justify all of your hate-fueled thoughts, deeds, and beliefs

And above all else…

12. Prepared to sell your soul to the Gods of your party…the Koch brothers

And given that these requirements basically epitomize nearly every neo-Con currently in politics, I’m starting to think that they should probably go ahead and upgrade the clown car to a clown bus…or maybe a crazy clown train.