Listen, I believe in giving credit where credit is due…and this time I must bow to your incredible investigative skills and trustworthy intuition.
I am quite certain that because of your endless prayers asking Republican Jesus to destroy the Kenyan currently squatting in the White House, God has obviously given you an uncanny ability to accurately predict Obama’s every move. It’s almost like you developed some kind of patriotic superpower just in time to save Liberty.
It’s just so impressive how you literally sniffed this one out like Huckleberry Hound. It’s remarkable really. I mean, you weren’t fooled for a moment when the Liberals tried to pretend that all of those FEMA death camps were just ordinary Walmarts. And you’re right, when Obama was creating his diabolical plan to use martial law and gay Muslim space aliens to declare jihad and then disintegrate the great state of Texas, he really underestimated your expert ability to decode those so-called conspiracy theories.
I’d like to reassure you though that it’s totally safe to let your guard down now because you have definitely figured out Obama’s entire evil plot. You can trust me on this one, there is absolutely no reason to worry about any other secret mechanisms that might have already been set into motion.
Oh and seriously, pay no attention to that Fox News rumor. I mean, obviously there’s no way that Obama could have created an ingenious new tool that allows invisible rays to come out of your TV and penetrate your brain exposing you to Liberal Jedi mind tricks. Besides, even if he did, there’s no way that the government would ever intercept the air waves of a TV channel for nefarious purposes. Plus I’m pretty sure that it’s totally impossible to target only the white Christian Conservatives by using just one specific channel…like say Fox, for example.
So please believe me when I say that you have absolutely nothing left to fear. Obama’s reign of terror has definitely been cut short which means you can rest assured that every bit of danger is now completely over. The republic is safe. Whew….crisis averted! In fact, I would say that it’s finally time for you to just sit back, relax, and maybe even enjoy a few of your favorite cable news shows.