Time For Some Liberal Schooling For ‘Chicks On The Right’

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I recently wrote an article that apparently struck a nerve with many Neocons, including some women who call themselves “Chicks on the Right.”

The article was a satire piece entitled To All Of My Conservative Friends And Family…We Need To Talk. So in response to my article, these “chicks” felt the need to write an article of their own in some sort of odd challenge to many of the points made in my original piece.

Being one who never backs down from a challenge…especially one this easy…I felt compelled to respond. You can obviously read my original article with the above link, so I’m going to just pull the excerpts out where the “chicks” chimed in (all in bold). The Liberal schooling I’m about to give these adorable ladies is all in the quotation boxes below.

“Dear Chicks on the Right…

 

Let me first help you out with the basic premise of my original article:

 

Sat-ire. noun.  The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics.

 

OK ladies here’s the thing, a piece that’s already meant to ridicule and expose the stupidity of your party probably didn’t need you reiterating my point but hey, far be it for me to stop you from demonstrating the lunacy of the Neocons.”

Your side “loves” this country so much that you want to change everything awesome about it. So our definitions differ quite a bit on that.

“Yes ladies, it’s true. Liberals love this country. We love this country so much in fact that we believe in always striving to make it better for ALL citizens. When you say that we want to change everything awesome about this country you are either confused or misinformed or our definition of “awesome” is very different.

 

Now if you mean that the “awesome” things we want to change are things like racism, voter suppression, an inadequate health care system, rampant gun violence, destroying our planet, hatred because of sexual orientation or religion, threats to a woman’s right to choose, or a dysfunctional Republican-led Congress….well then YES, we absolutely want to change those things.”

When liberals lose, they make Florida recount thousands of ballots by hand. Don’t talk to me about being “good sports.”

“Wait, is this a serious reply?? OK, newsflash…when a vote is too close to call you recount the ballots. Surely you’re not suggesting that the Dems should’ve just handed over the White House without any sort of proof that Dubya won the vote. As it happened, nepotism – not the vote – put the war-mongering doofus into office in 2000. But maybe that’s your idea of a”good sport.””

It would awesome if Obamacare ACTUALLY provided health care to Americans, but that’s not what happened. I get it. You probably have a worthless gender studies degree that didn’t do much for your knowledge of economics. Let me spell it out for you – productive Americans are being forced to pay for, not only their health insurance (which is VASTLY different from health care), but the health care of those who don’t want to pay for their own. And if we don’t, we get fined at tax time. As if the federal government doesn’t confiscate enough of my hard-earned money already.

“First, thank you for chicksplaining to me that there’s a difference between health care and insurance. Man, nothing gets past you girls.

 

And since you’re so informed on the insurance aspect, let’s talk about that. Now I’m not even going to go into how broken our system was or how Obamacare was drafted or who originally came up with the idea or why so many ridiculous concessions were made for the final bill. I’m just going to try to explain it so that even you can understand. 

 

I do realize that a very common belief on your side is ‘I’ve got mine. Screw everyone else.’ But thankfully the rational people in this country don’t happen to share that sentiment. Think of it like this…while it might go against your very selfish beliefs, insurance is one of those things that civilized cultures use to pool resources for the good of the whole.”

Besides, you’re probably voting for a woman whose negligence caused the deaths of a U.S. Ambassador (among several others) and who lied about it because she wants to be a trivia question on Jeopardy! in a hundred years. And you’re letting her get away with it because “First Woman President!” is much more important than the country you claim to love.

“I’ll tell you what…as soon this Republican-led Congress starts holding hearings looking into intelligence failures of 9-11, the lies that got us into a bogus war with Iraq, or any of the 13 embassy attacks that happened on Bush’s watch, then maybe we can talk about the tragedy in Benghazi and the real reason for this partisan witch hunt for Hillary.  

 

Until then, I will just point out that out of all of the numerous investigations led by the GOP, Hillary has been found innocent of any wrongdoing. That’s YOUR guys who’ve failed to find anything nefarious. And for the record, my support for Hillary has nothing to do with her being a woman but everything to do with her qualification to lead this country….ESPECIALLY in comparison to anyone over there in your clown car.”


I’m fine with birth control, personally. You walk down the family planning aisle of WalMart or CVS and buy a box of condoms for less than ten bucks. Of your own money. Without me having to pay for it. My money. Is mine. I earned it. Get out of my bank account. I don’t make you pay for my hobbies – quit making me pay for your sexy times.

“And once again we’re back to that mantra of ‘I’ve got mine. Screw you.’ Seriously, selfish much??

 

Here’s the point that I made (which you clearly missed) about birth control…if health insurance is going to cover things like Viagra, then it damn sure should cover birth control, first of all. I’m very happy for you that you can easily afford to buy whatever you choose, but there are many women in this country who simply cannot. And for a party who is so vehemently against abortion I would think that you would be all for anything that would cut down the abortion rate.”

Gay people have started suing Christians into baking their wedding cakes. How much of a stretch is it for them to sue leaders of churches into performing gay weddings against those churches’ beliefs? How long before the government swoops in and takes property and tax exempt status from churches? I give it two years. And even that’s a generous estimate. Gay marriage DOES have a bearing on my (future) traditional marriage because the government has shoved its way into something that is a religious ordinance and has been so since the dawn of time. And the government makes laws that I, my husband, my family, my business, and my church have to follow. If we don’t, we risk going to jail or having our money and property taken away.

“Do you really want to make the argument that gays shouldn’t be allowed the same rights as you because of religion?? Really? OK, let’s talk about that. You are actually wrong about your version of marriage being a religious ordinance since the dawn of time. You are conveniently leaving out centuries of arranged marriages between family members, polygamy, and strategic alliances between families just for a few examples. And guess what? All of these were openly practiced and written about in the Bible. So you’re trying to tell me that those things don’t affect your marriage but gays marrying do??

 

And hey, if a church is preaching politics or contributing in any way to anything remotely political then they damn sure should be taxed.”

Thing is, the gay mafia doesn’t LET anyone look the other way. The freaking White House was lit up in rainbows after the Supreme Court ruled on gay marriage, for Pete’s sake! The mantra of homosexuality is “You will like us or else!” In fact, that “Or Else!” is kind of a thing with liberals. Love Islam or else! Love abortion or else! Love Barack Obama or we’ll call you racist! No room for disagreement here!

“Wow. Hate much?? Seriously ladies, it’s called TOLERANCE for people who are different from you….you should try it sometime. I’m pretty sure that they won’t take away your Neocon card if you test it out a time or two.”

And while we’re on the subject – Climate change is happening. But it’s a natural thing that the Earth does all by itself. Humans have nothing to do with it. And climate change has become such a political issue that scientists who come out and say that nothing humans do affects the climate for good or ill get shut down for speaking heresy. Liberalism is pretty culty that way.

“(*face palm* Why do righties have such a hard time with this concept??)

 

The warming trends that we are seeing now are proceeding at a rate that far surpasses anything that has ever happened on this planet according to nearly all climate scientists. There is absolutely no question that the increased levels of greenhouse gasses are causing our planet to warm. And there is nothing political about the fact that this effect is man-made.

 

You really don’t have to take my word for it. Just open up those righty eyes and look at the overwhelming amounts of evidence. Over the past 10 years global sea levels have more than doubled the rate at which they have been rising for the past century. Global temperatures have continued to rise with 10 of the warmest years ever happening in the last 12 years. The oceans are setting warming records. Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets have decreased in mass. We are experiencing more and more record- breaking extreme weather events. Carbon dioxide is causing ocean acidification. 

 

I could go on, but my guess is that no amount of factual evidence is going to make you venture away from your political party talking points, so I’ll save my words.”

Like I need your freaking permission, you hag.

And, honestly, Mindy is welcome to come and try to take my guns. Thing is, if she does, she’s going to have to bring along even bigger firepower to force gun owners to give up their firearms. And, contrary to what this sorry beta male idiot says, gun owners are NOT going to take kindly to being told what to do or being forced to do it. Long story short: It won’t end well.

“Oh aren’t you just adorable calling me a hag. Don’t worry, I understand that when you find yourself at a loss for anything intelligent to say, righties always resort to juvenile name calling. But I do have to ask, out of all of the names that you could think of to call me the best you could come up with was “hag”?? Really?? 

 

And as for your disturbing comments about guns…well, all I can say is that YOU are the reason that we need common sense gun legislation NOW.”

Mindy Fischer

Mindy Fischer

Mindy Fischer is a lefty-liberal, freelance political writer. Follow her on Facebook and on Twitter.
Mindy Fischer