“The new official language of the United States is bullshit.”
Jon Stewart has been sorely missed in this Trump madness. But on Tuesday night Stewart stepped out of retirement to appear on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. And he was hilarious.
He came out in a ridiculously long red tie with a Russian-style fur head wrap to set the mood. Then he read some new Trump Executive orders.
“It has been 11 days, Stephen — 11 fucking days. The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.”
Stewart’s first new Trump Executive Order proclaimed a new official language for the U.S.
“I, Donald J. Lincoln Kennedy Trump III, do pronounce America now finally has an official language. The new official language of the United States is bullshit. I, Donald J. Trump, have instructed my staff to speak only in bullshit.”
Stewart also found a solution for paying for Trump’s wall. He said we will just use the Great Wall of China. He explained that China could send the wall C.O.D. And then America will pretend to not be home. China would just leave it on the Mexican border which would force Mexico to pay for it. “Boom! Done!”
Stewart also encouraged the resistance.
“We have never faced this before: purposeful, vindictive chaos, but perhaps therein lies the saving grace of my, Donald J. Trump’s, presidency.”
“No one action will be adequate, all actions will be necessary, and if we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight, and somehow come through this presidency calamity-less and constitutionally partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America — just not the way I thought I was gonna.”