Excerpts From Alec Baldwin’s Hilarious New Trump Memoir

Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump just wrote a new book about his first year as president titled, “You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story Of My Fantastic First Year As President Donald J. Trump.” And it’s just as hilarious as Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump on SNL.

Alec Baldwin and Kurt Andersen have written a hilarious new book mocking Donald Trump that comes out on November 7. But the Hollywood Reporter has released some excerpts so we can get an early peek.

Baldwin has managed to take his Emmy award-winning impersonation of Trump and put it on paper. And it’s just brilliant.

Baldwin writes,

“My inauguration, the actual legal takeover of the government with the Bible and then the speech, felt totally fantastic. Everybody watching, everybody listening, not just the 2 million or 3 million there on the Mall but like a billion people all over America and all over the world, on TV and online — probably on radio in Africa and India — so many watching, so many listening, no laughing, no talking (just me talking), total respect, even the haters terrified into a kind of respect, everyone focused on President Donald J. Trump. It would’ve been perfect if I hadn’t had to read the speech, because reading always brings down my mood, both in public out loud and by myself. But they wouldn’t let me wing it. Still, incredible, amazing, phenomenal.”

Baldwin’s Trump says that after having a great inauguration day, he was shocked to wake up to the terrible fake news of his small crowd size.

“What do I wake up to? All of the disgusting, dishonest media lying about the size of the crowd, every channel, every so-called expert. It was like bringing a beautiful supermodel home at night: You’re so happy, but then the next morning there’s a rotting corpse in bed. (A figure of speech. Although that did also actually happen to a friend of mine.)”

He continued,

“Why did I care so much about the totally wrong and fake crowd estimates? I didn’t care for myself, I’m used to that, I’ve had 30 years of that kind of rude treatment by the vicious media. What I really cared about, as Kellyanne explained to me, were the feelings of the millions of people who traveled from all over America and stood for hours to experience the most sacred moment of their lives. I was angry, as Bannon explained to me, on behalf of the forgotten men and women the elite media wanted to keep forgotten, to erase from the historical record with their Big Lie. Reince said we could maybe create a federal Office of Crowd Size Measurement in the Commerce Department, because they’re already in charge of the atomic clock that controls time. Which, by the way, I’m pretty sure my brilliant MIT engineer uncle, Dr. John Trump, invented.”

Baldwin’s Trump also wrote about the day that he spoke at the CIA headquarters.

“In the limo this morning on the way out to the CIA, Kellyanne gave me a neck rub, the way Ivanka used to love doing when she was little, and then I felt even better when I delivered a great speech to the staff there. They gave me several amazing standing ovations. But then afterward, on the way out, somebody told me CIA headquarters is now officially called the George Bush Center for Intelligence. At first I thought that was some kind of Washington insider joke, but it turns out they mean the old Bush, Grandpa Bush, who it turns out ran the CIA for a year. Which suddenly made me put two and two together and realize why all the intelligence big shots are against me, since I destroyed Jeb Bush, knocked him out of the race a week after the first primary, even though he spent $150 million against me. It’s why Billy Bush secretly taped me a decade ago. It’s Hillary and Obama and the media and intelligence and the Bushes all in a giant circle jerk, and I’m tied down on the ground in the middle, and it’s disgusting. But when Reince and Kellyanne both looked at me funny, I realized I’d said all that out loud. But I didn’t apologize, or refer to it, just looked straight ahead. Which is Leadership 101. “You know,” I said, “we’re already halfway to Trump National.” That’s my luxurious world-class club in Virginia, two beautiful courses. “We can stop in McLean for Big Macs, Oreo McFlurries, whatever you guys want, on me.””

You can read more excerpts from the book here.

(Visited 3,992 times, 1 visits today)

You must be logged in to post a comment Login