Doritos Coming Out With New ‘Lady-Friendly’ Chips That Don’t Crunch For Women

What in the actual hell??

Of all the things that we really need in this country, soggy lady-chips that don’t crunch ain’t one of them.

On Sunday, the bosses at Doritos revealed that they are about to launch a new “lady-friendly” version of their chips that don’t crunch. Because apparently it’s unladylike to eat crunchy chips….or something.

PepsiCo, which owns Doritos, says that their research has found that women don’t like to make noise or lick their fingers when they eat in front of people.

Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo’s global chief executive, told Freakonomics Radio,

“Although women would love to crunch [chips] loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.”

“You watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom.”

“Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers.”

Nooyi continued,

“It’s not a male and female as much as ‘are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon.”

Doritos is planning on making the packaging for these new non-crunchy snacks small enough to fit into a woman’s purse.

So they’re going to make smaller bags of chips that don’t crunch for the women. I’m guessing that the smaller lady version is going to cost the same as the man size. Because, if they’re going to go full on sexist, it only makes sense to make the women pay more for less.

This is absurd.

Speaking as a woman, I’m not too excited about new soggy lady chips. This might shock the men at PepsiCo, but women are perfectly fine with eating regular Doritos alongside of the men. If I wanted a soft quiet snack, I’d skip the chips and go for a yogurt.

This is a fail Doritos.

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