Conspiracy theorist loon Alex Jones warned this week that the Democrats would be starting a second Civil War on July 4th. And then Twitter responded in the most hilarious way possible.
Earlier this week, InfoWars’ Alex Jones warned his insane followers that the Democrats were planning on starting a second Civil War on the 4th of July to take Trump down.
BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018
Jones’ claims are, of course, complete bullshit. But why bother arguing with people like Jones and his followers when you can instead just mercilessly mock them on social media? It’s so much more enjoyable.
And, for the past couple days, clever libs on Twitter have been doing just that.
So grab a hot dog and another beer and enjoy the updates from the Dems fighting on the front line this 4th of July in the second Civil War.
Can anyone forward the email with the time and place for the #SecondCivilWar? Apparently Soros forgot to include me on the mailing list.
Also, I'm still waiting for that fucking check, Soros.
— Zed Say: FUCK CIVILITY (@postordinary) July 4, 2018
Fierce battle today. River runnin red with MAGA hats. Captured theirc Mountain Dew Supply wagons. Waitin on word from General Mueller. Colonel Avenatti in command here. That Stormy sure can storm the front lines. Send bagels and lox. #SecondCivilWar
— Naomi B. Herzfeld (@HerzfeldNaomi) July 4, 2018
You have no need to worry, for our red hat enemies are quite easy to beat. All we have to say is “socialism” and they run away screaming.
— Rivka Arbetter (@Rivka_Blairs) July 4, 2018
It’s quieter in my backyard than the GOP discussing Russian election interference.
Is this thing happening or not?
I put off-road tires on the Prius and everything.
And WTF am I going to do with all this guacamole?
Hit me back, bruh.#SecondCivilWar
— Erik Johnson 🌀 (@ejtwister) July 4, 2018
Woke up early in anticipation, but alas. There were no #SecondCivilWar presents under the tree. Or maybe I’m confused about what’s supposed to happen today. Can someone explain over brunch? There’s going to be brunch, right?
— Javier Morillo (@javimorillo) July 4, 2018
I have surrounded my home with a wall made from Hillary Clinton's emails since none of the MAGAs can get over them. God willing, I won't run out of avocados and my wifi service will go uninterrupted. #SecondCivilWar
— Demetrius (@Leo_theprince) July 4, 2018
The red hats are on the run, they’ve deleted all tweets about uranium one, and child sex rings. They’re broken, whataboutism depleted. We’ve been burning all misspelled signs, and Hillary “cunt” shirts. This will take months.
Faith My Love#secondcivilwarletters
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) July 4, 2018
The gay cake cannon has the red hats retreating in fear but food coloring at desperate levels. Send glitter #secondcivilwarletters
— Cee Gee (@ceegeeinthed) July 4, 2018
I have hidden Hillary’s emails and Obama’s birth certificate in the Science Center at the university. I believe the Red Hats will never venture there. #secondcivilwarletters
— PacificBayley (@PacificBayley) July 4, 2018
Donald Trump said the Dems started the war
Kirstjen Nielsen said there isn't a war
Sarah Sanders referred the war to outside counsel, but she spelled it right
Rudy Giuliani is missing in action & feared lost
Stephen Miller is jacking off to the war#secondcivilwarletters
— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) July 4, 2018
My dearest betrothed,
It is the eve of battle here in Bowling Green. The enemy is so close we can smell their Old Spice and citronella tiki torches. We have awaited an anticipated attack for days but have only encountered mispelled tweets and dank memes.
— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) July 4, 2018
I rose from my bunker just before dawn with my breakfast burrito. I could hear the red hats making their way up the hill, freebird blaring from a speaker. The sound of cans crushing on their heads while yelling “Murica” is getting louder. I hope my trap works! #secondcivilwar pic.twitter.com/w4h4HhcVYY
— Coffee with a side of Mary Jane (@NewDay_NewStart) July 4, 2018
Dear Battalion Commanders,
The war was over before it began. Their leader came down with another sudden case of bone spurs. It appears that Lt.Col Ted Nugent shitteth his pants for naught; it’s now a free-for-all. I will be home in time for Maddow.
— ANGRY NAVAL OFFICER (@BlueGhost40_) July 4, 2018
Battle has not yet reached me but I continue to fish for my platoon as I’m useless in combat. No gun.
Numerous 🐢 swam by.
Gathering intel I’m assuming.
Gave them the 🖕🏻and yelled “Fuck you Mitch” to each one.#SecondCivilWar #secondcivilwarletters pic.twitter.com/IToeyjjiH1
— 🦌Abby (@AbbyismsUneditd) July 4, 2018
Word on the street is that the #SecondCivilWar has been postponed until November 6th. That is when the liberals will storm the voting booths and try and bring some sanity back to this country. #MakeAmericaThinkAgain
— J boleda (@j_kiwijanineb) July 4, 2018
I fear if we don’t win this, the future of the word “you’re” is at stake. #SecondCivilWar
— andy lassner (@andylassner) July 4, 2018
I write this and I do not know how much longer I have. I am at a BBQ with many red hats.
They made me eat potato salad made with Miracle Whip.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) July 4, 2018
Predictably, the Incels don't know what to do around the Pussy Hats. Premature capitulation. #secondcivilwar
— DaveinBremerton (@DaveinBremerton) July 4, 2018
We're ready here. We've got the taco trucks positioned on every corner. #SecondCivilWar
— C2theG (@Slickabrina) July 4, 2018
I can report our mission to sabotage enemy supplies at Cracker Barrel were successful. We wore mom jeans, camo t-shirts, MAGA hats. They didn't suspect us. We switched chicken n dumplings for tofu and gluten-free noodles, drained the fry vats. #secondcivilwar
— PitchforkPatti (@PitchforkPatti) July 4, 2018
Today, a call for Peace from MAGA troops. They saw our side had avacado toast, jazz festivals, and taco trucks. Trump wore a too tight Kylo Ren suit as Supreme Commander of the Putin forces. He fainted on FOX & Friends. MAGA tweeted surrender; they tire of spam. #SecondCivilWar
— Maureen (@Maureen2) July 4, 2018
I've been separated from my battalion, and the enemy is closing in. I can feel the heat of their tiki torches and hear the beeps of their unnecessary calls to 911. Send reinforcements to the Battle of Covfefe in Bowling Green! #SecondCivilWar
— Lauren Green (@newsdiva2001) July 4, 2018
My Dear John,
The war isn't going as planned. Our supply trucks are limited. I'm out of wine and sunscreen. The enemy burned all the books and there is no place to recharge my Kindle. The only music is an old CD of Justin Bieber. – All is lost. #secondcivilwarletters
— Amanda Blount (@amandablount2) July 2, 2018
My Dear Beloved,
News has trickled down that the leader's bride wears a uniform stating her lack of concern. Whilst her fucks have become depleted, alas, ours do runneth over. We intend to gather them and rally before the winter.#secondcivilwarletters
— The Sardonic Peahen (@SardoNICKa) July 4, 2018
I can't believe it. I overslept. Did the war start? Is it okay if I wear shorts? Do any of you white folks need sunscreen? I have some I've never used. I don't want the medical tents full of you guys talking about "Watch me peel my skin." Not cool. #SecondCivilWar
— Travis Keys (@travkeys) July 4, 2018
Happy 4th of July!